Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
