Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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