The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
