Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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