But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.