Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
he laminated a picture of his dick.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?