i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
