I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
