Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES