I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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