What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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