that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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