I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
