Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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