just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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