i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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