So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
