smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Let's get the cat blown out
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
