allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Randomize
