dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Even my vagina gasped.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
