Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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