Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
