i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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