I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
