My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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