my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
