just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
