I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
