Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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