I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
