So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Panties = found
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
