he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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