i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
