if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
