dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
