he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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