Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
