He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
