Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
