Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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