six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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