Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
