he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
