Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize