Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
