I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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