Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
