I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
