shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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