Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
