Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
