I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
