Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize