Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a squirter
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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