dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
