I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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