so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The power of my boobs compel you
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
