Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
