after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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