Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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