Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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