would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
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if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
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Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.