Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.