I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.