Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
