I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
