I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
