so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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