I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just found a bag of teeth...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
