your parents love me but you hate me
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
