Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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