i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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