you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
