Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
