I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Two words: blizzard sex
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
