HIV tests are more positive than that guy
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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