i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
