dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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