I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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