she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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