It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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