I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
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Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
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Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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