Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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