I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
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