I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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