There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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